1 March 2024

Jeez, movies in 2024 have sucked!!!

| Jarryd Rowley
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Region journalist Jarryd Rowley hoping a good new movie will soon arrive.

Region journalist Jarryd Rowley has seen some awful movies so far this year but is confident there will be some bangers soon. Photo: Jarryd Rowley.

We are two months into 2024 and despite going to the cinema every week since the start of the year, I am still yet to see anything that I wouldn’t consider to be ‘meh’.

So far this year I’ve reviewed two of the worst superhero movies of the past decade, a disappointing sequel to an Australian crime thriller, an unnecessary reboot of a beloved 2000s comedy and two very good but very depressing biopics.

I love watching movies and nine times out of 10 I really enjoy writing reviews but recently because of the state of movies right now, I’ve been left thinking to myself, ‘Why do I punish myself with the likes of Aquaman 2? Why do I choose to see reboots of comedies when the originals were perfect? Why on earth was Madam Web made?’

Despite all these questions, there is one that comes to mind the most: When will the fun start?

READ ALSO Force of Nature: The Dry 2: A slow moving follow-up to the Aussie crime masterpiece

Unfortunately for Australian movie lovers the constant crap we get dished out during the summer school holidays, particularly January and February, isn’t just restricted to 2024. It is Every. Single. Year.

Last year for example, the best of the early-year dumpster fire releases were: Missing, a horror about someone who went ‘missing’; Plane, a thriller about a plane; Antman: Quantumania, the worst Antman movie and the worst Avenger I might add, and a re-release of Titanic.

It makes for some grim viewing when the best movie released in the first two months of a year is a 26-year-old film about a literal sinking ship.

There is a simple and rather disappointing reason that the annual graveyard of movies keeps occurring. It’s because American kids are all at school and the award season period begins.

To the dismay of every other country in the world, The United States is the biggest market for movies, particularly school students and their families. Unlike Australia, they don’t have school holidays in January and February, theirs begin in late March or early April and continue until the end of June.

If you consume a lot of media around upcoming film releases, you might have heard about the summer blockbuster or summer movie slate. This is in reference to the American summer break. The reason this is disappointing for Australians is because film studios’ mentality towards January and February releases becomes, “Why would we release movies we think will make money when our biggest market won’t see them?”

Honestly, it’s fair play to studios; I wouldn’t choose to have an article released at 3 am in the morning when people can’t read it. It does however make for a frustrating time for those who love going to the movies.

Tie this mentality with the fact that the deadline for award season (the chance for movies to get nominated for the likes of Oscars or Golden Globes) is midway through December and we get stuck with the January/February movie graveyard.

READ ALSO Madam Web is among the worst superhero movies ever made

These are the movies that big studios think will suck but because there is little to no competition, they might make some money. That’s why despite being headache-inducingly bad, I wasn’t shocked that Madam Web, a $100-million superhero movie, was released in February of all months. Sony Studios knew it was rubbish but thought nothing else is on at the moment so maybe it’ll still make some money. Spoilers, it is the lowest-grossing superhero movie Sony has ever made and among the worst-reviewed films ever.

There are the occasional independent movies that are fantastic, e.g. Iron Claw, but these are only here because they’d never compete with high-budget blockbusters. Why would a 15-year-old on school holidays see a movie about a family of depressed wrestlers when there’s the chance to see the next big CGI MCU movie?

Fortunately, there is some light at the end of the tunnel and the March lineup of movies can not come sooner.

As moviegoers, we are soon set to enjoy a stacked month including Dune: Part 2, Ghostbusters, Kung Fu Panda 4 and another Godzilla vs Kong movie and that’s just the blockbusters. Fans of serious Oscar contenders also get a feast for choice with Best Picture nominee The Holdovers and critically acclaimed Anatomy for a Fall both coming as well.

Despite all the garbage I’ve seen over the past two months I am confident better movies are on the way and I look forward to sharing them with you.

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