Lucinda and Carmelo Panarello want others to learn something from 3pm Fear. Photo: Oliver Jacques.
A Griffith couple have released a book chronicling a family’s struggle with alcohol addiction and how they overcame it.
Builder Carmelo Panarello reached a point where he was drinking 12 cans of Carlton Dry and a bottle of wine every day after he knocked off work at 3 pm.
“My liver was failing, my blood was thickening and my face was like a big red beetroot. I was on track to have a heart attack,” he said.
“I should be dead. I would drive home drunk every day. I could have killed myself and others; it was so selfish.”
The memoir describes how his wife Lucinda suffered even more than he did.
“To the kids, I was the monster,” she said.
“They would see me barking at their Dad and think I was the aggressor. His parents thought I was the nagging wife. I was the one who had to hold our family together.”
How alcohol took over a life
Booze was good to Carmelo one evening many years ago at the Gem Hotel, when it gave him the Dutch courage to approach Lucinda and ask her out.
The pair started dating at 18 and were married at 22. Both were succeeding in their careers as they started a family. From the outside, everything seemed rosy.
But problems with alcohol started well before anyone noticed.
“I loved sports and played a lot of soccer. When I was 14, I was playing in the men’s team. The first thing we did in the changeroom would be to have a drink,” Carmelo said.
“In my circle, everything revolved around alcohol. We drink when we’re happy. We drink when we’re sad.
“As life pushed hard, I couldn’t deal with things so I’d drink my problems away.”
As their marriage progressed, Carmelo drank more. It helped ease the pain of stress at work. It got to the point where his wife banned alcohol at home, but that didn’t stop him.
“I would drink on the worksite from 3 pm until 6 pm when I’d come home,” he said.
His wife soon cottoned on and her anxiety would start when his workday ended. Hence, the book’s title – 3 pm Fear.
“At first I trusted him; I thought he was just working late. It got to the point where I’d have to track his spending; I’d see his ute at the club when I was picking up the kids from school.
“He’d come home drunk and we’d get in huge arguments. It got to the point where I thought of calling the cops and telling them to book him when he was driving home.”
Redemption and recovery
One night, Carmelo came home not just drunk but on drugs. That’s when Lucinda decided enough was enough.
“My son got angry with me because I was shouting at his Dad. So I called Carmelo’s father Lenny over and we confronted him.”
That’s when reality hit Carmelo about how much his behaviour was hurting his family.
“We reached breaking point and I knew I had to stop,” he said.
On 29 December, he will have gone two years without touching alcohol.
“I’m still an addict though. I have learnt techniques to resist. I’ve had to distance myself from some friends and temptations. I drive home a different route so I don’t go past the pub.”
The result couldn’t have been better, though.
“The last two years have been the best of our lives. I’m as healthy as I’ve ever been. I’ve lost 15 kg. I have no substance in my body. My marriage is honest and real. We are best friends again,” he said.
“I nearly missed my son Leo’s childhood. I’m glad I can now see his innocence.”
Purpose of the book
Now aged 37 and with three children, Lucinda and Carmelo hope telling the story about the hell they’ve gone through will help others avoid it.
“There’s so many people in this town like me. I thought I was the only one,” she said.
“I hope it’ll start a conversation between a couple, friends or siblings. I want this to build awareness.”
Carmelo said their writing would help break a stigma.
“It’s difficult for a man to say, ‘I have a problem and I need help’. But that’s the first step you need to take.”
3pm Fear by Carmelo and Lucinda Panarello can be purchased on the website of the same name.
