Long-time domestic violence campaigner Phil Cleary, who will speak at a Border forum on 16 September, says “men have to be as passionate as we brothers who have lost a sister”. Photo: Supplied.
Ending a relationship with a man is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do, says Phil Cleary.
Indeed nearly every woman murdered by a man known to her is killed in the context of separation, explains the former Aussie Rules footballer and MP whose sister Vicki was stabbed to death by her ex-boyfriend in 1987.
“What does that tell us about the underbelly of men?” asks Cleary, who has spent almost four decades championing action to stop violence against women.
On Tuesday (16 September), Cleary will headline a public forum at The Cube Wodonga inviting Border communities to galvanise their efforts to Say No to Domestic and Family Violence.
The event is being hosted by a group of 13 local Rotary clubs, who are joining forces to help combat a crisis that sees one woman killed every eight days in Australia by an intimate partner.
The data shows one in five women will experience domestic and family violence in their lifetime while one in 14 men will face the same issue.
Albury service provider Yes Unlimited reports that the local government area has seen a 7.6 per cent increase in domestic and family violence related assaults during the past five years.
The grim statistics come as no surprise to Cleary, who says while our awareness and conversations are “deeper, wider and more compassionate”, the violence hasn’t stopped.
“The irony is that while our social conscience has improved, we haven’t been able to stop the fact that men still stalk, harass, threaten and kill women,” he says.
Cleary, 72, says his sister was “funny and full of life”.
The champion footballer for Coburg (who would later become a federal MP for Wills), clearly remembers the day Vicki joined him to celebrate his 200th game for the club in the June of 1987.
“She blew out the candles on my cake before I even got to them,” Cleary laughs.
“I remember her dancing around the social club … she was cheeky and so inspiring as a person.
“Eleven weeks later we lost her.”
Vicki Cleary was only 25 when she was stabbed to death by her ex-boyfriend Peter Keogh in 1987. Photo: Supplied.
Vicki was 25 when she was ambushed and killed in the carpark outside the kindergarten where she worked in Coburg.
Their younger sister Lizzie was just 14 when she lost her “second mum” and best friend.
Cleary has spent the intervening years relentlessly pursuing justice for Vicki, calling out violence by men, and advocating for meaningful societal and political change.
He insists we still operate in a misogynistic society – one that normalises violence against women. And that includes our legal system, he says.
“I have strong views about what I think is society’s complicity in the story of violence against women,” Cleary says.
“We have to address and remove the undercurrent of prejudice and misogyny towards women.
“We have to embed the understanding that women are not at fault because they end a relationship.
“For every murder there are red flags flying. Any woman who talks to you about a separation, or who is leaving a relationship and says they are finding the man difficult needs your support.”
Change, he insists, has to come from within communities like Albury-Wodonga.
In schools, in sporting clubs, in local councils, police and service providers.
“The solutions lie with you, in the community you live in – that’s where you have to campaign,” he says.
“We have to galvanise to ensure there are layers of support in place and force governments to better fund agencies to offer proper case management for women in danger.”
But ultimately it begins with building a culture that recognises and treats women as equal, according to Cleary.
“A culture where young men are told that derogatory comments are not acceptable and explaining why,” he says.
These days Cleary is more than comfortable calling out disrespectful or derogatory behaviour towards women.
But he says that responsibility falls to every man.
“Don’t tell me you admire my campaigning,” he says. “Tell me you will marginalise every single man who talks in a prejudicial way about women.
“I say to those men to take the concept of courage that you admire in men, say on the footy field, and give that courage to this campaign.
“Men have to be as passionate as we brothers who have lost a sister!”
The Border forum will include an audience Q&A supported by a panel of representatives from local service providers including Gateway Health, Victoria and NSW Police, and Yes Unlimited.
The evening event, from 7 to 9 pm, will be followed by a student leaders morning tea at The Scots School Albury on 17 September to raise youth awareness around respectful relationships.
For more details or to book for the free event, go to The Cube Wodonga website.
If you or someone you know needs help, contact:
- National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Support Services 1800RESPECT/1800 737 732
- LifeLine 13 11 14
- NSW Sexual Violence Helpline 1800 424 017
