'Horrific': How tough is the rural dating scene for singles over 40?

Modern dating is tough enough for the young in the city, but for those in their 40s and in the bush, the stakes are much higher.

Over the weekend, Wagga singer and self-proclaimed “young senior” Cathy Wall became the accidental spokesperson for singles with a little more mileage on the clock after she called out local establishments on social media for hosting Valentine’s Day speed dating events that excluded those aged 35 and above.

“Now, I might not be a spring chicken who resembles Lady Gaga if you ordered her from Temu, but there’s life in the old girl yet. We pre-fossils still need love!” she posted on social media.

“…It’s time to ditch the walkers and hit the town – as long as we’re home by 9 pm – and let these young lads of Wagga see some real home girls. Sincerely, this 46-year-old young senior.”

Following the backlash, the Wagga Speed Dating event organiser announced plans for a separate event catering to those aged 35-65.

“Our decision to focus on participants aged 18-35 for the first event was driven by the desire to create a manageable, targeted group size, ensuring the experience was enjoyable, dynamic, and aligned with our resources and goals for a successful launch,” the organiser said.

“It’s important to note that the venue did not impose any age guidelines; this decision was made solely by our team as part of our event planning. We are committed to inclusivity and recognise the importance of providing opportunities for all age groups to connect.”

So, what is the dating scene like for mature singles in the Riverina?

“It’s horrific,” Cathy said. “With so many things available, it actually makes it less convenient.

“I hate online dating. It’s hollow. They could say on paper there’s this wonderful guy, but he might be married … or a serial killer. It’s not worth taking that risk.

“When I saw the speed dating event advertised, I thought it might be fun and safer than online dating because it’s held in a secure venue. There are other people around.”

Cathy didn’t expect the attention she garnered from her post — a tsunami of friend requests from men in their 20s.

While the single mother constantly meets new people, avoiding the “six degrees of separation” is hard despite living in a large city.

“My ex-husband also knows a lot of people, and while he encourages me to date, just as I did with him, it’s still awkward,” she said.

The singer found more singles over 35 on the dating scene on social media, which can be challenging due to deception and lies.

“Once you’re ready to get back on the horse, the options are very limited. I’ve found that some of my friends around my age have resorted to dating younger men — some as young as their 20s. While only a few succeed, it’s not ideal,” Cathy said.

“I was shocked by how many men over 45 list ‘short-term fun’ as their goal. It’s disturbing because either they’re having a midlife crisis or have had their kids and marriage and just want to have fun.

“If that’s what you want, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m looking for my person. While I enjoy being independent, it’s still natural to want to settle down, meet someone, and share your life. And that’s hard to find.”

Being single for the past year, with a brief attempt at a relationship that she said ended badly, Cathy said it was a learning experience.

“You grow, move on, and being single this long, you learn to respect and grow your boundaries,” she said.

“I don’t give up hope … I used to wonder what was wrong with me. I’m going to be single for the rest of my life … Bridget Jones is screaming out to me.

“Now I’m more independent and stronger, and my daughter comes first before anything.”

Cathy says safety is an important consideration for women considering online dating.

Before going on a date, women often share details with their girlfriends, like the location, what they’re wearing, and their plans for checking in.

She finds Facebook groups like “Sis, is this your man?” or “Are we dating the same guy?” that expose alleged cheaters useful for women in the modern dating space.

Navigating the Dating Apps

Rural dating app Howdy founder Mia Ryan said the challenges older singles (35+) faced in dating, particularly in rural areas, were due to their established lives and reluctance to relocate.

“If you’re both 40 and got a farm, what do you do then? It gets harder,” Mia said.

“I found the older users of Howdy are a little quicker to give up because they don’t get instant gratification.”

Mia often receives emails from users asking to delete their accounts because they’re only matched with a few people.

However, she encourages her users to take a chance. She designed the app to focus on quality over quantity, restricting the number of matches that appear.

Mia also agrees regional communities need more in-person dating events to complement the online matchmaking scene.

Mia said some older singles often struggled with creating dating profiles. She has launched a new service offering custom profile setups through Zoom meetings and personal guidance.