For 70-year-old Mary Coughlan, healing is a lifelong journey. Photo: Erin Hee.
WARNING: This article contains sensitive content related to sexual assault.
Wagga residents can walk through a Narrandera woman’s lifelong journey of healing and survival, all stitched up in the Wagga Wagga Art Gallery until the end of November.
The Covered in Roses / Covered in Ashes exhibition presents a series of stitches from 70-year-old Mary Coughlan, who has spent a lifetime processing her rage, grief and sexual trauma from her childhood, and that caused by a stranger in Melbourne.
Born to a farming family in the Riverina, she has always loved art and Eastern culture.
“When I began stitching I was a tiny child,” she said.
“Even when my life went to shit and everything felt like it was against me, and I had nowhere to belong, my stitching and I always belonged to each other.”
Ms Coughlan spent six months in Japan learning paper making, and some time in England and France looking at samplers (pieces of embroidery that demonstrate a girl’s needlework, literacy and piety) before returning to Australia.
For a long time she struggled with her mental health and trying to find a place for herself as a woman.
“Over a period of time, I had a nervous breakdown and mental health issues,” she said.
“I went into therapy, and what became very clear was that my stitching was triggering my trauma. I needed some ground.”
Inspired by her passion for social justice and political issues, she went back to university and became a social worker.
“I made banners, both in England and Australia, about different issues: nuclear, women’s rights, closing of the jail in Melbourne,” she said.
As Ms Coughlan did more training to become a therapist, she realised that as she worked with others who had also experienced abuse, she was also learning to heal and let go of what happened to her.
She did some art therapy and set up a private practice before eventually returning to Wagga, after she was gifted a car, to visit her mother, who had dementia.
“Having a car in the country is empowering in many ways,” she said.
“You can move, and it gives you a freedom that I hadn’t experienced.”
While crossing the Murrumbidgee River, the full force of yearning for home hit her. Before that, she had spent more than a decade in self-imposed exile from the country.
Her move back to the bush was also inspired by an interest in First Nations people’s history and their connection to land, and taking accountability for her part as someone from a farming family “in taking their [First Nations] land”.
“I thought, ‘I want to come back. This is where I belong,” she said. “It’s not just a male domain. Women can belong here too.”
Fortunately, she was able to quickly secure a job. Outside of work and spending time with her mother, she spent four hours embroidering each day and made a promise to herself: if she ever gave up her art career, she would transform her house into a mini art gallery.
After her mother passed away in 2019 and her retirement around 2021, she found more freedom to pursue a career as a full-time artist.
“Most people who’ve experienced abuse on any level become control freaks, because you’re trying to stay safe,” she said.
“As I’ve retired I noticed my anxieties dropped. I’ve done a lot of meditation and I’m doing something I love.
“I was able to just let Dr Lee-Ann Hall curate. I was open – I think healing keeps going all your life. I got to a place where I was willing to look at my work through someone else’s eyes.”
Now she spends her days with her Scottish terrier, Molly.
The Covered in Roses / Covered in Ashes exhibition will run until 25 November at the Wagga Wagga Art Gallery.
Ms Coughlan will host a two-hour beginner’s stitching workshop on 28 October (Tuesday) at the Art Gallery. Book your spot at the workshop through the programs page.
Anyone impacted by sexual, domestic or family violence can contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or Full Stop Australia on 1800 385 578.
