Patricia Lyons with her son Levi’s photo and the book of poems he inspired – words born from heartbreak, now helping others to heal and find hope. Photo: Vanessa Hayden.
Twenty-six years after the loss of her 14-month-old son Levi, Patricia Lyons is releasing a deeply personal book of poetry titled Grieving for My Baby – a collection born from heartbreak, healing and hope.
Levi would have turned 27 in July.
As always, his birthday was celebrated with her family but this year there is something a little extra in the air. Patricia will be marking the anniversary of his passing on September 13 with the launch of a book that captures the raw emotion of a mother’s grief and the enduring love that never fades.
Patricia began writing poetry the night Levi died from pneumococcal pneumonia, a condition that, at the time, was little understood and had no vaccine. Diagnosed with MS the same year she fell pregnant, Patricia had no idea Levi was considered at risk.
“I didn’t know for eight weeks what had happened,” she recalls. “We’d wondered if it was a form of SIDS, but he was awake, alive. What was it, a new thing? I didn’t know.”
The night Levi passed, Patricia, a single mother at the time, stayed at her father’s house, unable to be alone.
“I remember lying in the spare room and all these words were in my head. I had to get them out.”
She began scribbling in an exercise book, capturing her grief in verse.
“Every day, all day, words would come to me, my raw emotion was coming out.
“At night I’d wake up with panic attacks and anxiety and couldn’t sleep and all these words would be running through my head.
“I couldn’t get back to sleep so I’d turn the lights on and scribble the words down, turn off the light and fall back asleep. I just had to get them out and then the next morning I would make sense of the words I had written.”
Patricia shares with Region her memory of the night she lost Levi.
“I’d been up every hour giving him water. At midnight he had a temperature, so I gave him Panadol and let him sleep. I thought I was doing everything right.
“At 5 am, I heard a sound I’d never heard before – a whimper, like he was trying to cry. I found him flat on his back, his eyes sunken, lips turning blue.
“I called the ambulance and opened every door to let air in. I stripped off his sleepsuit and waited on the steps, praying. Just praying.
“When the paramedics arrived, I think I almost threw Levi at them and begged, ‘Do something!’ He had stopped breathing as I heard their doors open.
“It was 5 am and I was standing there alone, watching them work on my baby in the back of the ambulance. I kept thinking, ‘Someone be with me. I’m on my own here’.”
Over time, Patricia’s poems became a source of comfort not just for herself, but for others. She contributed to SIDS newsletters, read at Red Nose Day memorials and found connections with other grieving parents.
“One mother came up to me and said, ‘Thank you for speaking my words. I don’t know how to express myself, but I hear my feelings in your poems’. We’re still in touch. We’re forever joined by our boys.”
In 2001, after publishers dismissed the book as “too niche”, Patricia self-funded the printing of 200 copies. She sold them through the Kids Health Bookshop at Westmead Children’s Hospital, donating proceeds to SIDS research.
“I only wanted to recoup my costs. Once I did, the rest went to helping others.”
Years later, with encouragement from her husband Angus and support from a couple of close friends, Patricia connected with Morpheus Publishing, an inclusive press founded by Justine Martin, a fellow MS advocate.
With a partial scholarship, Patricia was finally able to re-release her book and says it is not just for grieving parents, but also offers support for people to better help their friends or clients when they can’t articulate what they are feeling.
“It’s healing to know Levi didn’t die in vain,” she says.
“He’s helping other people now. He has a legacy. When we die, we hope to be remembered and Levi will be, through these poems.
“I’m not saying there was purpose in his death,” she reflects, “but something good has come from it. He’s helping others cope with this kind of tragedy.”
Patricia will launch her book on Saturday 13 September from 3 pm to 5 pm in the main auditorium of the City Central Church, 455 David Street, Albury. RSVP through Trybooking to reserve your seat. The book is available through most online retailers and can be found in some stores in Albury, including Heart and Soul in the Citiwalk Arcade.
